I don’t know about you, but I feel super productive! I Not only started laundry, but I also found all my tax papers (for doing taxes at some future day), I updated a bunch of website behind the scenes type stuff (which required RESEARCH in some cases. It has been a long time since I kept this place shiny and new), I filled the cat’s water (which was bone dry, I fall behind on stuff being alone so much), AND I started a much needed load of laundry. Darks, natch. That’s where all my cute clothes are. I have been trying to always look extra cute. Even to get gas. I am forcing my own return to Planet Me, which is from where I originate.. Or something. Bad grammar much? Why not? It’s my damn blog.
So today was an emotional day at the workplace. If you’ve been reading along you know that I am also laid off. As of Friday I am no longer employed. *pause for collective sigh* So today there was a sending off party for the manager staying on and moving to another location and a handful (big handful) of associates went to our store manager to see if they might include me in the send off somehow. She told them to be subtle and not make me speak… Wise. So to my surprise when I got back from my lunch, which entailed sleeping in my car as I have since I got all of my life-altering news, I was surprised by a giant buffet in the lunchroom. So many people were there on their day off. Soo much food. Also much love. I know they all know I’m not with the company any longer. They don’t all know why, but my favorites do. The heart felt send off’s and well-wishes way overshadowed the other manager, which she allowed. They all signed a card. I got a gift. It was too much. The people I have worked with in that building have been my family for five years. I had to leave after a bit because I couldn’t hide my tears. I will miss them more than the people at any job prior.
My tattered heart broke all over again today. I am still crying. And dealing with it alone.
The list of things I should be doing seems endless. I should be doing my taxes. I should be organizing and paying bills. I should go to the gym. I should be out having cocktails and a chat with a good friend (which I may still do).
What am I doing? Blogging. Because it’s what I want to do.
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Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack
All dressed in black, black, black
She has a knife, knife, knife
Stuck in her back, back, back
She can not breathe, breathe, breathe
She can not cry, cry, cry
That's why she begs, begs, begs
She begs to die, die, die.
This weekend was like I expect many to be. I had my ups and downs. I had to work, which always messes with my head since I know I'm laid off. In fact it was my last weekend! Scary.
I was trying to think up something to say. I mean, this is just the cutest thing! And romantic! *sigh* It’s this guy with a crush on this other guy on the YouTubes. He goes after him online with a series of videos.
Aww! I’ll put another after the jump, but you have to see them all! So adorable… Thanks goes to Fred for the tip.
I cannot believe I went out and bought holiday ornaments already. It really is early, but I really want a better tree this year. A different looking tree. I figure with all of the hours Richard and I will be working we’d better come home to something gorgeous each day! We do have a nice fake tree too, if I didn’t destroy it. You may remember we are coming up on the anniversary of the armed robbery at my former employers’. I was held at gun point. It was the day after Christmas. The day after I endured that I put away every piece of holiday in my house and violently scrubbed each room from top to bottom. You know, to release some pent up energy for being in that situation on the 26th. So I have to remember as I unpack things that I may have caused some damage due to the way I took it all down.
I think that pending anniversary, and my upcoming subpoena to go back into court due to it are taking their toll on me. I have been really all about trying to make the seasons changing very pronounced in my home with all my fall crap I put out. I have been very tense at work. I am moody and have nightmares. The time apart from Richard due to our work schedules doesn’t help. Even when we are home together we are on two different schedules. One’s early, one’s late. He’s exhausted, I am up half the night. Then we trade. Early - late, early - late.
But other than all that life is good. Really good actually. I just need to get a grip. This whole post was supposed to be about something else, but as a good friend reminded me tonight, sometimes it’s better to let the dark out. So there. I let some out.
cold 
meh 
