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I saw it coming for an hour. The neighbor right next door (not the sorority girls, the ex-football player) had some guests over. Two of the cars were parked in front of our house, one of which was actually in front of the driveway. You just have to imagine where we live. It’s not really a street, but a common driveway that all the houses share. Any miss-parked car is in the way… Anyway, when Richard finally got home he could not get into the garage without driving through the landscaping. Of course he was bitter. I expected that. I did not expect him to lay on his horn and start shouting. The ‘girlfriend’ of the week came out and apologized. She was going to move her car, but Richard sorta laid into her about respect and rules and police and stuff. (Well, we think it was her drunk ass coming over that woke us up at two in the morning!) She went in and got the ex-football player. My heart stopped as I stood at the window listening. I know. I am a wimp. So the man doesn’t actually come out (phew!) but he stood on his balcony and shouted down at my Richard. He started arguing with Richard about the security guards and how they told him it was us reporting him. That really bugs me. Those idiots should NOT share that information. That puts people at risk. As in WE people. The shouting outside continued. They got into respect, rules, contradictions, oil stains, property values, music at noon (?), and other crap until Richard finally came inside.

What a mess. I hate neighbor drama. Nobody wins. Now I am all nervous and stressed out about what the repercussions will be. I mean the man is huge, for one. Also I have found that angry neighbors just get louder and more obnoxious. What ever happened to the good old days. Remember? The days your grandparents would speak of? Back when you used to be able to run next-door and borrow a cup of sugar, use the phone, or get your ball out of their backyard? Nowadays it’s every man for himself. None of our neighbors speak to us or each other, other than to bicker about parking, just like it was when I was growing up. I have been more stressed and irritated by neighbors in my life than any other group of people. That just seems wrong. What if there was an earthquake and one of us was without water? Would we just continue to ignore each other or fight?

What a sad existence. I think I finally understand people that live on enormous farms with no neighbors for miles. 

tagged: neighbors noise neighborhood parking drugs trouble new people condos assholes ex-football players

The ones across the street. They are going to be a problem. I can already tell. All four of them.

Richard told me that after being unable to back out of our garage due to their parking in the street he went over and introduced himself. Then apparently he told them about the parking challenges and towing and such. Hmm. Welcome to the neighborhood right? So tonight as I am FTPing a recent backup of my blog just in case and all, I could hear those girls outside. Good lawd they are loud! Was I that loud at that age? Anyway, one of them said in an obviously sarcastic and deep voice to her friend ‘If you are going to park here you need to pull in as far as possible.’ Then they all giggled.

I mean yeah, Richard should probably have not played Parking Police so early in the game. And yeah, I admit I am being paranoid. How the hell do I know what they were really talking about? Maybe it’s an inside joke about the friends inability to park correctly. But still.

My gut says that those girls are an issue. Sorority girls, condos, football players, and potential drug dealing mixed in with a few moody queens and noisy Bollywood parties?? This doesn’t bode well. 

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Do you ever have those nights that you cannot sleep? Tonight is one of those. I even got all busy with my man but still, rest will not come. Heh. All busy.

Anyway, I was thinking it may have been one of those old ephedrine tablets I found and took earlier. Once a druggie, always a druggie. Taking old pills in the medicine cabinet. Who knows what those could have turned into? Ephedrine was deemed dangerous! I loved it though, and owe like three years of physical perfection to those little tablets of energy… Can you get those in Mexico still? Stop. I need to stop. But really, can you? I wonder, I practically live on the border… I should look into that. They did make me super thin.

So anyhoo,

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We have this neighbor. He refuses to follow the rules. He *might* be engaging in some illicit activities at his home, based on the sheer amount of very late night visitors. I may have mentioned him before. Apparently he has a giant penis too. Does that mean anything? I don’t know if that means anything. Anyway. We have this rule where we live about the parking. It’s either in your garage, a designated space, or towed. Now I have seen folks getting towed. We happen to live near a popular public venue, so when push comes to shove towing does happen. But not to our neighbor. He is a bit famous in an ‘E’ or ‘F’’ list kinda way here in town. An ex football player. Seems the rules don’t always apply. Oddly though, when they do, he plays the fame or race card really fast.

Our only issue with the man is that he refuses to have his guests park right. They pull up into what seems like his driveway, but it is also our front stoop. If you where wheelchair bound and he had company you would not be able to enter our home. We have oil spots outside to prove it. Our only recourse is to enforce the parking regulations set by the homeowners association. Of course Richard does this like religion. I always am the one trying to avoid confrontation. I remind him about the consequences of pissed off neighbors (IE. keyed cars, graffiti, noise complaints, punched noses, ect...) He pays me no mind and calls security on the miss-parked cars every day.

I in turn live in fear of our well endowed yet large and strong neighbor. (Don’t ask how we know that. I was not the one peeking thru the fence at the drunken hot tub party.) He gets more angry every time the tow truck arrives and he has to pay for yet another mindless guest parking wrong. Really wrong, like a legit space was open ten feet away! Tonight he was trying to figure who was calling and ratting him out. The security wuss was not going to give all that out, at first… Our giant well endowed neighbor got all protective of his.. erm, date/customer and got mean. The intimidated security guy gave the area code. To Richard’s cell phone. Now I don’t know a lot about cell phone companies, but if you were a retired jock who owned one, don’t you think you’d have some nerd in the back that could figure out what phones close to which cell towers had what area codes, and then see who’s they where? Am I paranoid? This man is going to kill us. I am sure of it. He has already brazenly hinted to me that he knows we are the ones complaining about him. And in a mean way too. Bitch. And he seems so nice when you talk to him…

Anyhoo. Something is not right with the whole situation and the goings on over there… I used to do the drugs. I know what that mess looks like when out shopping for more drugs. I don’t want that going on next door.

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Keeping in mind my ADD as well as my OCD… not to mention my tendency to not necessarily exaggerate, but kinda round up.. often alter the reality and timeline of what I say. I offer these tales of my sordid past anyway. I also include their inspiration.

I also sing a little.

This has to be the best podcast ever on dp.com! 

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