One Christmas a long time ago Santa Claus had problems. Four of his elves were sick so Santa got behind schedule. Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more. He went to see his reindeer and found that three of them were about to give birth. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh he dropped the toy bag and scattered the toys.

Santa went into the house for a shot of whisky but the elves had drunk him dry. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. There was a little angel with a big Christmas tree. “Merry Christmas Santa”, said the angel, “Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”

Thus began the tradition of the angel on top of the Christmas tree.

via Popbitch.

tagged: christmas sick stress house drunk santa tradition tree top angel

OMG. I am sooo disapointed about my iPod recording. I was in the car, and I totally thought I was good to go. My new ‘pod. My new mic. I was excited.

It is the worst sound quality yet on dp.com. But I am a trooper. I tested it again. It *can* work great. Just not this time… What? You thought I’d re-record? Have you ever tried to have a conversation with no one and then tried to repeat it..? Exactly? It sucks yo.

Anyhoo, it’s a recap on the neighborhood drama last night. Ugh. The drama. Since when do I live in the hood? Sorry again about the noise…

tagged: podcast dp.com drama ipod drunk hoors skeevy

Remember those loud sorority girls across the street? Yeah, the loud ones with the poor parking skills… The ones that stayed out all night at bars and/or clubs only to come home really wasted and loud waking the whole block? Well apparently the dress like a skank ass ho and hang out at the sidewalk sale out side the club till 4 AM thing totally worked for them. They have a whole new gig now! The plus side is that they don’t come home at 4 in the morning totally drunk and loud. I mean, it is good to look at the bright side, right?

Some damn bright side… It’s because now they never leave the house. It seems in the many weeks of late night clubbing 2 out of the three have landed themselves some mens! Ooh er! So now they stay in and drink all night and get loud with their boyfriends. This morning, after a sleepless night due to their noise Richard got up at 5 for work. While he was getting ready he noticed that the last light across the way was finally shut off as our very popular neighbor gals ‘called it a night’. Woo! They are busy!

Anyhoo, I think tonight there may be some kind of gathering. It sounds like a party, but mostly guys. Did the new BF’s have their BFFs over to meet the gals? I think there is still one without a man of her own. Maybe they are trying to pimp her out introduce her around. On a Wednesday too. Wow, it sounds like a lot of people! (Where did they all park? /parking police)

Dude, it sounds like I totally have been spying! Dirt! I haven’t, I SWEAR! It’s just that it IS summer, windows are open, and they are THAT LOUD. It’s not like I am sitting at the window with binoculars… Besides, they shut the blinds. I didn’t think they knew how. Maybe there is some drug use happening too. How glam of them! 

tagged: party neighbors loud drunk boys pimp glam gals

What a fun time. I mean, really. Anytime you have to wake up and take inventory for your wallet and keys and ID and stuff, well that’s just a sign of fun! Okay, it wasn’t really like that.. well not for me! Heh.

We left the house around 3ish and took the trolly down to Old Town for the Cinco De Mayo Celebration. It was packed, as I thought it would be. The thing was basically like any other street fair you’ve been to except with a Mexican flair. A lot of the booths were just the usual stuff. The food selection looked good, but to be honest we didn’t get any. The lines were way too long. There was some music at every corner, including a spanish metal group on the main stage. We saw a drunk girl. After we checked everything out including the car show portion (I know, I am still trying to figure out what some of the things had to do with Cinco De Mayo...) we decided to try our luck at one of the restaurants in the area. Not to get a table, the shortest wait for that was 45 minutes, AFTER you got through the line to just put your name in! We just wanted to sit on a patio and watch the filth go by over a few cocktails. We found a place with seats available outside, but after more than ten minutes of no service we left. At that point Richard was kinda done with all the tourist type stuff and the crowd. We made our way back to el trolly.

Instead of going home though we got off a few stops early. I couldn’t let Cinco De Mayo pass with out a margarita! I mean come on! So we walked over to Chevy’s. Drinks were had. All of out favorite people were working. We laughed. We ate. More drinks were had. Then Richard had a round without me. The lesbian sitting next to me offered me her drink. She was so nice! I declined. But we chatted a bit. Then Richard was served a Mystery Drink. This is the one that did him in. We left shortly after.

Have you ever escorted a really drunk friend home on public transportation? Yeah. It was like that, exactly. On the final walk from the trolly station I had to hold his hand to keep him moving. We must have looked so cute. Not.

Anyway, I leave you with a video of shiny things that twirled. (New camera syndrome) By the way, I updated the Gallery. Check it out!

tagged: richard pictures drunk cinco de mayo drunk girl pinatas celebration

British comedy is like, funny and junk. Hehheh.

Drunk Enough via (indirectly) Charlie.

tagged: links you tube drunk british attractive catherine tate

...and my neighbor has more than one drunk ho in his hot tub. You may be wondering how I know they are hos . Well, there are more than one. I also find that nice girls, ladies, or women rarely use the type of words I am hearing. And what is with the squealing? It is almost two in the morning for cry-eye! Ah well, I am not surprised, It’s normal for that self centered, self important, and selfish man to have this sort of thing going on. I am lucky Richard is asleep in the living room on the other side of the house. I was trying to get him off to bed, but then he’d be able to hear the craziness and call security. Or worse the police. It’s funny because that makes sense but it is the last thing I’d do. I mean I am all about confronting a problem, like at work where you can go away from it. When it’s someone who is ten feet away all the time that knows where you live and can fuck with your house, car, yard, pets, or you that I feel different. Those people are not to be messed with. We have had bad bad experiences with neighbors. Too many to rehash tonight.

Wait, that’s not why I started this… I have issues people! Richard and I would like to go on vacation at some point this year. Tonight he spoke to my brother and was working on this amazing itinerary when I got home from work. It included visiting my brother Boston, my parents in Florida, and side trips! Like New York and Miami! Sooo much fun and he had found really great prices. For this month. I can’t get the time off this month. You see a few weeks ago my store started taking management vacation requests. All of which are of course approved or denied based on advertising, events, department peaks (You run mens? Forget anything within a month of Father’s Day), and seniority. Most everyone has their weeks locked in at this point since Richard and I never talked about it. He thinks that it is a BS program, but it is the program in my place of work. So after he read off the East Coast Dream Vacation plan with timelines, dates, costs, and transportation I had to remind him of my situation. He immediately logged off the sites shouting about my being the one with issues, and him being done wasting time. Wow. Okay, let’s recap my side.. In my company, and industry it is typical for a request for time off to be approved or denied based on the needs of the business. Store managers (which I am not) have the right to add whatever stipulations they like, they are the ones approving. I am not at fault, nor can I change how the man in charge runs his store. But now I am the enemy. I am lame for putting up with that as well as other things at work every day. At any rate, in looking at the chart there are one or two weeks I might be able to get in mid summer. Florida is out because it will be miserable. In fact so will the entire east coast.

I hate traveling anyway. It’s too complicated to get the pets taken care of, and we always come back to a ton of chores. Plus I can never relax. By the time I do it’s time to go home. Meh.

tagged: richard vacation family drunk neighbor travel new york boston pto hos