My ears hurt.

No, seriously. My ears hurt! You see it’s like this. Even though I didn’t notice Richard had gotten him self new bling bling rocks for his ears I knew it was coming. Because he had the rockin’ hoops I wanted to take over when he swapped. Years ago when I had originally had my ears pierced (at The Gauntlet in San Francisco’s Castro District) I was in this retro stage and for some reason chose gold hoops. I hate gold. Plus they are as small as a standard earring back. So virtually invisible in my ear. Not to mention I think my lobes are fat. The metal like touches the base of my ear. Not sexy. Clearly I have gained a few in the ear lobe area.

You know I used to change them. Back in my club days I’d swap them out for some large ‘fashion jewelry’ gold hoops to wear out with my thrift store polyester shirts and faded jeans (with wing-tips? and 90210 hair?). Clearly I was on my way into a seedy druggie period, dressing like a gigolo yet as gay as paint in France. Anyhoo, that was years ago. I have not taken this jewelry out for at least ten years. So when I did it made my stomach turn as I immediately remembered that feeling of ‘turning your jewelry’ in freshly pierced ears. That bothered me way more than the hollow needle and cork routine. *shiver* Then I struggled with the previously coveted silver hoops. Erm. Scary. They are easily more than twice as wide as my other earrings. Gauge? That’s gauge, right? Yeah. But I poked, prodded, and poked some more trying to get them in my ears. I knew my holes were curved, due to how they were pierced for the jewelry I originally chose. I figured I wasn’t finding the way through the hole. I moistened, dried, moistened, and even lubed. They weren’t going in. I had Richard try. He couldn’t do it either. By this time my already fat lobes were as swollen and red as a hothouse tomato. I could barely squeeze my baby earrings back in! Let alone close them around my ginormous earlobes!

I gave up. Clearly I need a professional. One of my Canadian boys suggested ‘spacers’. WTF? I Googled and verified their existence, but found no purchasing resource. I did however find a fascinating site belonging to a transgendered FTM man who apparently was much into piercing as a young gal. That whole thing distracted me from my throbbing ears and my quest for spacers. He had had a hysterectomy before the age of 25! And breast removal! His nipples were hairy.. I think he looked cuter as a guy too, but I am gay so what do I know?

Bleh. I should be off to bed.

tagged: richard earrings ouch 90210 jewelry canadian boys ears gigolo gauge spacers Money, Money, Money - Abba    

So Richard got new earrings. I didn’t notice.

tagged: richard love earrings