Anyhoo, so I finally was at the dentist earlier this month. After an embarrassing cleaning (since I could barely hold my mouth open and my jaw actually trembled from exhaustion) I decided to explain what was happening. Ugh. So they explained that it was probably a jaw issue and gave me this 50 dollar plastic pillow thingie that they called a “bandaid for your jaw”. It was a cumbersome thing filled with water that I bit down on so that my teeth wouldn’t hit and my jaw thought it was closed and would relax. Hmm. Scientific. Right? I have to admit, the moment I had it in I felt immediate relief. So I was told to wear it as much as possible. In the meantime I was to be back the next day to see Dr. Scottie (the hottie). He’s the husband in the husband/wife dentistry duo we go to. I wear the thing. I love it. I go see the good Dr. the following day. His diagnosis:

My mouth, although problem free aside for my one cavity, has possibly always had a mis-aligned bite. It was compensated by my jaw muscles always correcting it. 30-something years later they got tired and refused to do it anymore. So at night when I was unconscious my teeth hit causing pain. I started clenching. (There may be some stress involved to. I’m always stress tho so how would I know?) The clenching, the pain, the general discomfort are all a jaw problem. He suggests this thing called a “deprogrammer” that will, similar to the bandaid (which has started to hurt my teeth and scrape my tongue raw) keep my teeth apart and let my jaw “forget” how it normally closes and do what it wants to. It’s basically a retainer. With the sexy wire in front and everything.

Sounds like a lot of high-maintainance issues, I know. After we see how the jaw wants to function we decide on what, if any, correction (ie. BRACES???) is needed. OMG. So as revenge for never having needed my wisdom teeth pulled the Universe gives me possible Adult Braces? FML!!!

I’ve been wearing the 375$ retainer that INSURANCE WON’T COVER for a few days now. It was not bad at first, but now is excruciating. I even bent a part that was like poking my tooth so hard I could barely stand it. It was a back tooth that apparently anchors the device. That tooth is so sore I am avoiding wearing the thing. Which is prescribed 24/7 for the next 3 weeks. I am afraid to go in to have it adjusted because none of this is covered by my insurance. GAH.

On the plus side, it is way more helpful that the other thing. My jaw feels normal. I can feel my normal “bite” every so often when I am not wearing my dental appliance. Yay. I just wish it wasn’t trying to kill my top right wisdom tooth.. Gawd help me with these teenage issues I am clearly not equipped to deal with.