January 26, 2009
•
family drama
My family made a decision when we were growing up to move west. You see, my father had to go where there was work (he was an electrician) and the extended family back in the home town were too much drama. Now I don’t know how true that was, but that’s what my parents told us. When my brother and I were still quite young we’d travel back to Massachusetts once a year or so and visit. Both sets of grandparents, my mother’s sister, my father’s sisters and brother, and all the cousins. We did that for years while in between the odd set of grandparents would visit us. As we got older and things got more expensive we traveled much less. The grandparents still visited, and my mother’s sister and her daughter, and we’d see my father’s brother’s family as they were not as far. All those other relatives just became people that only sent a holiday card. Never once did they visit, so we never went back. My parents would go out to handle emergencies, and eventually my mother’s mom and sister moved to Florida. My father’s parents have since passed, and my brother went with my father to some of the arrangements. I was already out on my own trying to make my way…
I guess the point is that there are all these relatives that are strangers to me. A lot too. My father had 3 sisters and 2 brothers (I think, to be honest I forget the total since some have died). At least 3 of those had families that I haven’t seen since I was like 14. It’s weird to think about somehow. All these people that I knew existed but were really not part of our lives. It felt normal though. Huh. So anyways, when my brother chose to move to Boston he did so knowing that he’d be near that portion of the family, actively choosing to reconnect. He is at some family member’s home for dinner every weekend. He is invited to every event, BBQ, potluck, and all that stuff. He even juggles the drama of which part of the family isn’t speaking to whom! LOL, right?
So sometime in December I got this email with the subject of “hello”. It was from my father’s sister (the one that we always knew was a lesbian, even tho she never said. She has *always* lived with the same woman):
Is this nephew Danny in California?
I deleted it. It scared me! What could she want and HOW did she find me? Thank gawd she had used my *personal email* account, or I would have died. I soon forgot about it, until a week or so ago when I got another one, from the same aunt forwarding the last note, but with this added:
I’m trying this again.
OMFG! Now it was like she had verified the address and resent and was calling me out. I HAD to reply. Ugh. So I thought about it and settled with this:
Hello! Sorry I didn’t reply to the last note… I must have missed it. December is crazy for me! Anyway, yup, that’s the right email! 
Lame, I know. But I have met this woman like maybe 6 times when I was a kid, so what more could she expect? Anyhoo, here’s the reply:
Well Danny,
I have tried many searches to find you, and finally your email showed up on a forward from your father.
I’m glad to be in touch with you.
I have heard that you and Richard have been a couple for a long time now. Congratulations to both of you. Did you get married?
[insert “roomate’s” name] and I got married when it first became legal here. We are both retired now and loving it.
We were really mad about the prop 8 vote.
It is interesting to me that Prop 8 vote has done so much to promote marriage rights, even though the vote was against it.
I have heard that you are busy in retail work and living in San Diego. Is that right?
You were in high school the last time we saw you—just a kid.
Bee well,
[insert aunt’s name]
About the “Bee well”, well after raising goats for many years they are now raising bees. So now what? Do I reply? Is this my new “pen pal”? I really think it’s sweet that she contacted me, if a bit creepy. I mean, where was she all these years? If she had known, like I think she did, that I would turn out gay I would think she’d have tried to have “been there” for me years ago. She didn’t. And what were the “many searches”? she tried? I was for two weeks a few years back the number one result on Google for “Daniel” so she can’t have tried hard. Oh, she also could have asked her brother, my father. But that would have required speaking to him. I may have lost track with the drama, but I do know that my father isn’t popular with all the separate camps that make up his remaining family.
Wow, This has become an essay! Let me know what you think. Reply or not, and if so… HOW??
September 25, 2008
•
family drama •
what's up?
The parental visit has been fun. A treat even, since I took PTO and have been on vacation with them. However… This “Julie Cruise Director” business is a bitch. Srsly. We have been going every day. I have seen more San Diego than I think ever before. Well, at least a lot for such a short time. Up at 8 or nine, out the door by 10 and just *going*. The Geocaching makes it more interesting, but still… I WANT A DAY OFF!
So tonight I *am* having a martini. Maybe 2 or 3. I am blogging and reading blogs (at least till my father wakes up).
Only 2 days to go! I can do it!
September 14, 2008
•
thoughts i had
Now that the stress of Birthday Week is over, I was thinking. This past week has been pretty awesome. Amazing even. None of it, or even some of this past year, would have been possible without our great friends and “San Diego Family”. You people are amazing! Whether you’ve been in our lives since we arrived here in San Diego for the first time or if we’ve only gotten together a few times. None of the laughs and good times would have happened without you.
Thank you so much for changing our lives for the better.
July 05, 2008
•
thoughts i had •
what's up?
Since moving to San Diego Richard and I have been very lucky to have become part of a circle of friends. We all hang out, separately or all together all the time. We always have fun. Whether it’s our weekly SYTYCD parties, movie nights, BBQ’s, or going out to Hillcrest or Downtown and “painting the town”. I consider these people my San Diego family! But lately we have been noticing that we are a bit of a clique. There aren’t really any new faces (well, since Richard and I). No fresh blood. We just aren’t meeting any new people and that makes it tough for the single kids in the group. Not that we want to be matchmakers. Good gawd no! But when you hang out with new people you meet their people… Maybe one of their people might know another single guy and through just getting together our single kids will be exposed to more quality singles? Cause let’s face it, when you hang out at bars every week to meet people you are going to meet people that like hanging out in bars. And aside from all of that, we are a group that likes to entertain. It’s more fun with more people! Right? We decided that Sheila’s BBQ was our big event. We were all to bring new people.
So for me, I am not surprised by any of this. I have been trying to meet people with interests like mine lately, going to the SD Tweet-ups and Blogger Meet-ups, and actually going out and meeting the people I have been talking to on my various online social networks. My goal has been to get some friends who understand what the hell I am talking about with my SEO, CMS, tweets, plurks, and whatnots. People who understand why I constantly check my phone! In the meantime I have met a fair amount of people that I see or talk to regularly enough. So for this past BBQ I was pretty confident that I could get some new folks to come around. As it turned out, not so much. I do understand tho. One I asked at the last minute, and the others, well I mean given the choice I think I’d pick existing friends over newbies… I guess.
My other friends tried different approaches. One tried picking out someone that looked like they’d fit in with us at Mo’s and just walking up and chatting with him for a bit, followed up with the big invite. The guy actually seemed cool about it after the initial “we aren’t hitting on you” stuff was out of the way. He actually agreed to come by, and we got his number. In the end he flaked. Sheila invited her local barista that she chats with at her coffee place all the time. A good idea, I thought! He was a no show as well. So out of 6 new people invited 100% declined or flaked at the last minute.
I guess my point is this. I understand how to meet people. At least online. (Richard and I aren’t single. In the gay world I find making new friends in real life so awkward… People are out looking for dates, not friends usually.) Besides, I think I have a number of great resources right now that are more reliable than just picking someone out of the crowds. I have met people. How do I get them from the acquaintance stage to the friend stage? How do we as an established group assimilate new folk? I can tell you it was a long time before I felt comfortable with everyone… How do we make that easier?
January 12, 2008
•
what's up?
Everyone, I want you all to join in. I mean it!
“Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday to you.. Haaappy Birthday Dear Freeeeeeeddddddddddd.” Happy Birthday to you and junk. I mean it.
I was a bit taken tonight when it struck me that all the people around me that I loved and hung out with pretty regularly I had met because of one man. Fred. It was a long time ago that we had met. I had blogged about my potential move to San Diego. Fred contacted me thru the IM or as we Mac folk call it, iChat. I was a bit shocked as I was new to IM’ing at the time… But he persisted and I soon had one of my first online friends. It was great having someone in San Diego to chat with as I moved my whole life here. I had a local friend. Sure we hadn’t met, but that’s the beauty of the internets. We didn’t need to. We had bonded. Time passed and soon we met in real life at a local Chevy’s. We hit it off in person, as we knew we would, but meeting internet people is always weird. You never know. Luckily it worked out. Fred has been a great friend. He has introduced us into his circle. We have gained not just friends, but family thru him. I consider Fred family.
Anyhoo. I just wanted to document the day.
Happy birthday yo. You rock! Thank you for letting me and my man into your life. We appreciate you more than you know.
More on the Flickr...
December 30, 2007
•
what's up?
Well, I have to say. I think the post-holiday Holiday Party was a success. At one point we had 14 people. Fourteen. In my house. I have never had that many people over in all my life. But what a way to close out the season and ring in the New Year! All of our new friends, some we’ve had for a while, and some that have become like family gathered together like that. It was a blast. Thank you to all that attended. It meant a lot to us. And I love that I can say that there were guys making out on the stairs at my party! Makes it sound really wild, eh? Heh, it just sounds that way. It was a very classy event! I just wish I had taken pictures. There are tons that our friend Sheila took. As soon as I get copies I’ll put them on the Flickr.
Today we have been removing the holiday trim and tree. That is a big ass job! There were a lot of balls on that thing, let me tell you! Of course there is glitter everywhere. I have swept, washed, vacuumed, and wiped. I can still see red sparkles out of the corner of my eye… But the war on glitter will have to wait. My body has finally given in to this cold. I thought I was coming out of it, but today is another story. I am so glad I didn’t get drunk last night or I swear I’d be dead right now. A hang over with this sinus mess? No thanks…
Okay, time to curl up with some tea and a movie.
UPDATE: Got a few shots onto the Flickr.
December 01, 2007
•
family drama •
making a living •
insanity
Enough said, right? It’s one of those work related things, as well as family stuff, so off to Member’s Only Land…
September 26, 2007
•
funny haha
A friend sent me this one…
Thanks CBG!
June 17, 2007
•
family drama
My brother called me today just to make sure I called my father for Father’s Day before it got too late. Isn’t that awesome? He didn’t want me to forget. I had just gotten off the phone with my dad though, so it was all good. But still, props to my bro, yo.
March 06, 2007
•
what's up?
...and my neighbor has more than one drunk ho in his hot tub. You may be wondering how I know they are hos . Well, there are more than one. I also find that nice girls, ladies, or women rarely use the type of words I am hearing. And what is with the squealing? It is almost two in the morning for cry-eye! Ah well, I am not surprised, It’s normal for that self centered, self important, and selfish man to have this sort of thing going on. I am lucky Richard is asleep in the living room on the other side of the house. I was trying to get him off to bed, but then he’d be able to hear the craziness and call security. Or worse the police. It’s funny because that makes sense but it is the last thing I’d do. I mean I am all about confronting a problem, like at work where you can go away from it. When it’s someone who is ten feet away all the time that knows where you live and can fuck with your house, car, yard, pets, or you that I feel different. Those people are not to be messed with. We have had bad bad experiences with neighbors. Too many to rehash tonight.
Wait, that’s not why I started this… I have issues people! Richard and I would like to go on vacation at some point this year. Tonight he spoke to my brother and was working on this amazing itinerary when I got home from work. It included visiting my brother Boston, my parents in Florida, and side trips! Like New York and Miami! Sooo much fun and he had found really great prices. For this month. I can’t get the time off this month. You see a few weeks ago my store started taking management vacation requests. All of which are of course approved or denied based on advertising, events, department peaks (You run mens? Forget anything within a month of Father’s Day), and seniority. Most everyone has their weeks locked in at this point since Richard and I never talked about it. He thinks that it is a BS program, but it is the program in my place of work. So after he read off the East Coast Dream Vacation plan with timelines, dates, costs, and transportation I had to remind him of my situation. He immediately logged off the sites shouting about my being the one with issues, and him being done wasting time. Wow. Okay, let’s recap my side.. In my company, and industry it is typical for a request for time off to be approved or denied based on the needs of the business. Store managers (which I am not) have the right to add whatever stipulations they like, they are the ones approving. I am not at fault, nor can I change how the man in charge runs his store. But now I am the enemy. I am lame for putting up with that as well as other things at work every day. At any rate, in looking at the chart there are one or two weeks I might be able to get in mid summer. Florida is out because it will be miserable. In fact so will the entire east coast.
I hate traveling anyway. It’s too complicated to get the pets taken care of, and we always come back to a ton of chores. Plus I can never relax. By the time I do it’s time to go home. Meh.
I’d really love to go to New York though. Someday…
thankful 
